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Monday Madness.

This is 10.06 a.m., and honestly I haven't started working at all. Hopefully my boss will not read this, or I hope he understand the reason why I haven't started working on anything.

Last night I ate angkringan, and luckily my friend was also so silent last night so I have a moment to think, and to realize, that actually I do not want that much in this life.

At one moment, I think that I have to earn a lot, simply I dont like seeing myself suffering because I don't have 'enough'. But if we look back into the concept that actually we are all having 'enough', it's just the way we perceive toward it, that most of the time we think we are always lack of something.

Honestly I dont know, sometimes I have to be grateful because I have a place to stay, food I can eat, I am safe, I'm healthy, and that would be more than anything to be grateful for. But on the anotherr hand, I see people suffer, or even my closes family, people surround me, and I wish I could help them, and that is exactly the moment I think I should have more so that I can help more.

So, how much exactly I want in this life?

What I really want to do?

Am I enough with what I have right now? or if I dont feel enough, what should I do? how far should I go? what things I should accomplished? Tell me.

Until this very moment, I'm just surviving another day, obviously with uncertainty about what life will offer me and where will I go. And I'm also still not brave enough to make decision about where I want to go from here, because what if I dont make it there? what if the dreams that I think of everyday is just an illusion? things that I thought would make my life more meaningful or happier, while in fact we all know we can't predict the future, apalagi memastikan kita akan merasakan perasaan tertentu terhadap suatu hal.

I got it, I'm lost, I know that I'm lost and I still cannot figure out they way to get out of it. 


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